The final post

This is my rudest post yet.  My patience has run out, and it shows.  Hopefully the reader can understand that I am just frustrated.  Please see the humor in my rant, and don't take it too personally (Indians)...

Whenever someone visits a new country, or moves away from a home city, typically they will be asked the question, "what was the best part of location-X" or "what will you miss most"?  The most common answer is, "the people".

My answer is different, opposite even.  I loved India from the very moment I arrived.  I loved the colors, the food, the festivals, the ingenuity.  I didn't mind the bad things (pollution, government office red tape, poor infrastructure, chaos).  But it is because of the people that I can't bear to be here anymore.

In the beginning, it was people's curiosity that struck me.  At first, I even thought it was nice.  People will ask each other anything, even private questions that are considered rude to Americans (what is your salary, etc).  But human nature is to enjoy talking about oneself, and it is nice to have any conversation when you are alone in a new country.  I later learned that when you ask an Indian the same questions, they will cleverly avoid giving any information away.  The Indian is more than simply curious.  They either want to laugh at you, or use you (as a connection to getting a better job, selling you something, or worse).

Indians do not have hobbies like Americans.  This is a developing country, so there is not as much free time or extra money for developing hobbies.  Most free time is spent chatting with friends and family.  It amazes me to hear them talk about the same thing day after day after day.  And they talk SO much.  Even the few with time and money for hobbies, don't seem to be interested to do anything other than talk, mostly about food and movies.  So I am bored even when surrounded by others.

The maturity of Indians seems to get stuck around age 13, and just stays there until they get married off.  Maybe this is caused by the super-protection of girls in Indian families.  Once they are set free as adults, the young men and women act like fools - trying to get attention.  It is not becoming on a beautiful 25 year old woman to giggle like a teenager and talk extra extra loud.  And when choosing western clothes, why do they always choose the stupid message t-shirts ("I'm too gorgeous for you" or "My girlfriend is out of town"...)?

Side Note: why can't people figure out how to use elevators?  You press the up arrow if you want to go up, and the down arrow if you want to go down.  Too difficult?  Ok, then use the escalator.  Oh wait, you are afraid to step onto the escalator, so that a huge crowd will gather behind you while you stare at the moving walkway in fear?  Stairs???  Don't be silly, that would require using your legs...

Even children are little demons.  Out on the street, they try and talk to me.  If I ignore them, they will spit or shout abuses (yes I know plenty of swear words in Hindi).  If I say hi or even just smile, they beg for money.

Work is also frustrating here.  I prefer a flat working structure.  But in India, people are shocked if you make your own copies, do your own labwork, or tie your own shoes.  I don't want to manage 10 people.  I don't want to ask people to do every little thing for me (when I can do it just as fast, and do it right).  But I still want to make important decisions and be respected.  That position does not exist here.

So I have had a lot of fun here in India.  Travelling and making a few good friends (none in Bangalore).  But now that I am alone in Bangalore, there is nothing new for me to see.  Even in the rare good moments, I have no one to share the experience with.

So see you in the US!

Bangalore... Finally.

I have blogged more than once about how I didn't want to move to Bangalore.  I am finally here, for 2 weeks now, and I am pleasantly surprised.  I am staying in Kormangala, which is the happening part of the city.

Good things

• Bangalore is not like a giant suburb (as I previously thought).  It is densely populated with a good mix of high-end retail shops, small local-owned shops, restaurants of all sizes, street foods, and narrow streets with midrise flats, just like I love.
• No one stares at me.  Either because so many other white people are also here, or because they are more polite.  I do not feel like a circus side-show like I did in Ahmedabad.
• Almost everyone speaks English
• There is no dust.  In Ahmedabad, after 1 day without dusting/floor mopping, there would be a visible layer of dust.  After 2 weeks, it would be disgusting.  Here after 2 weeks, there is nothing.
• This is a modern cosmopolitan city (thanks to the IT industry).  There are plenty of cultural and fun activities.
• Alcohol is legal!!!

Not-So-Good things

• Brrrrrrrrrrrr, it is cold.  Even in August I want a jacket.  Of course all my clothes are short-sleeved after living in Ahmedabad.
• Rain every day.
• Almost everyone speaks English.  Yes, I know this should be good, but I badly want to improve my Hindi.
• Everyone eats rice with their hands.  It is gross.

I was lucky to find a great flat in a good area, at a decent price.  Bangalore has grown so fast that finding flats in the popular areas of city-proper is next to impossible.  Demand is too high.  But unlike A-bad, my flat is not furnished.  I have a mattress on the floor and one chair only.  I have no stove, refrigerator, TV, sofa, table, or washing machine.  Good thing my time on the mango farm taught me to live without so many comforts.  I do have a huge geezer (water heater) actually hooked up to the shower head.  No more bucket showers for me!  Also I am on the 5th floor with fantastic balcony views.  Pics coming soon.

Job is also good, but job will be covered in another post.

I love it here.  Maybe I'll settle here forever... 

Mango Farm

I quit my job without a new job lined up.  My last day was 25 May.  It was the first time in my life to be unemployed.  Surprisingly, I was not at all concerned.  I thought I would take a month or two off to enjoy rural India.  Without a job, technically, I was supposed to leave India immediately according to the rules of my work visa.  I did not know if I would ever come back once I left.

I joined my friend in his village where his family manages mango and licchi farms.  These are really forests/jungles, not farms or orchards that you would imagine in the US.  It is a natural environment, and harvesting techniques are very primitive (climbing trees with bare feet, picking the mangos with a hook and stick, collecting the mangos by hand from the ground).

I had the intention of helping out on the farm, but in reality I didn't do anything useful.  I just observed, relaxed and enjoyed.  It was an amazing time for me.  Not easy, June is one of the hottest months in India.  I am used to India heat without AC, but here we didn't even have fans.  There was no electricity in the farm, and only 30% of the time they had electricity in the village.  Granted, I was not my prettiest self during my 4 weeks here.  Mosquito bites, heat rash, bad hair...  But I can't even explain how happy I was during this time, just having simple fun with good people.  The family is Ami (Mom), Papa, 5 sons, 2 daughters, and one adopted little girl.  But also there was the oldest son's wife/kids, so many aunts/uncles/cousins/friends/neighbors are constantly visiting.  I love this tight community of people who take care of each other.

The family went to a lot of trouble to make me comfortable.  They installed a hand-pump well in the farm, so I could drink 10L of water each day in the blistering 115F heat.  They retrofitted one of the bathrooms in the village home with a western toilet and shower (even though I am accustomed to bucket showers and indian toilets now).  Every meal that was sent to the farm in tiffins had the food that I liked best (roti only - no rice, omelet every morning, tomato and onion with every lunch and dinner).  And the guys on the farm were constantly bringing me the best tree-ripened mangos.  In return, I am bringing a fortune of gifts for them from the US.

Before long I was famous in the Uttar Pradesh village of 10,000 where I was maybe the first whitey ever.  People were dropping by all day every day to get a glimpse of the "American Runaway".  Few spoke english, so I didn't have to answer too many questions.  I drove the bike back and forth between the farm and village, and went to the cigarette shop to buy smokes for the farm workers (not for me), and surely these are things that the village girls never do.

I did see a huge fight in the village where men were beating each other with big sticks.  One of my friends was targeted and got a bad head injury.  We brought him to the village home, and had to clean too much blood from the ground.  Thank God he is OK.  It scares me how dangerous it can be here.  This family is my family now, and I worry for the safety of the young men.

Right now I am in US.  After some time on the farm, I realized that I CAN'T leave India.  So I accepted the job in Bangalore that i had previously turned down.  Bangalore is not as good as Mumbai, but the job is really good.  I am returning to India on 22 July.

Below are photos from my time on the mango farm.

Cots were a place to sit during the day, and our beds at night.  Mine was covered with a mosquito net.

 We made a special sweet rice dish to give to the village children.  It was supposed to bring rains to help with the mango crop.  So many kids came, it was really fun.

Swimming in the bhamba (irrigation canal) was the best way to cool off.  I would swim in my pajamas, then keep them on until they dried.  2 hours of being cool.

Usually food was sent from the village home, but sometimes we made chicken at the farm.  It was delicious.

Juned is raising a beautiful horse for Muharram.  He ate some underwear and a motorcycle seat while at the farm (the horse, not Juned).

Haleem Biryani in Meerut.  Meerut is a very very bad city.  The biryani is very good though.

Visiting AK-47's home in the village

Drums to scare away the fruit bats from the licchi trees at night.  Guys had to stay up all night in shifts to scare away the bats.

Laal kida (red insect) loves licchi trees.  Everyone had a few rashes from these disgusting bugs pooping on them.

A jackfruit tree happened to be on our farm.  I chopped a few down.  We cooked it up for dinner.  It was the first time my Indian family or me had jackfruit.

The farm also had chickens.  We ate 2 to celebrate my acceptance of the job in Bangalore.

My birthday.  Best birthday ever.

Post head shaving party.  Everyone got 151 rupees and a hat for shaving their head.

Razi bought a new bike, a beautiful Royal Enfield Bullet.  I tried to drive it, and fell over just trying to stand it up!  But I did drive it after I recovered.  I think a small bike is better for me...

Last Day of Work

After much back-and-forth, I am surely leaving Ahmedabad.  Today is my last day of work.

Sorry if this post is a repeat of things I have already said.  But it is everything on my mind as I decide to stay in India or go.

After a year and a half in India, my favorite things to do have become:  shopping, spa, watching movies, and eating street food.  Movies, spa and shopping I can do in the US.  Only street food is tough for me to leave.  Of course I can get Philly street food (cheesesteaks, falafel) instead of Indian (pani puri, vadapav, pao bhaji, masala chass to drink out a plastic bag).  I have done all the traveling that I wanted to do.  I never saw Kerala or Tibet region.  I saw enough to be satisfied - Delhi, Bangalore, Ragasthan (Udaipur/Jodhpur/Jaipur), Goa, Mumbai, Mysore, Agra (Taj Mahal), Ooty/Nainital and some other hill stations, and village life in Uttar Pradesh.  It was always as interesting to see real Indian life as a local, as it was to be a tourist.  I have certainly lived the real life here, and I have loved it.  I don't live in an ex-pat bubble.

I have become tan.  I found that I look very cute in Indian kurti (tunic shirt), so I will bring a bunch home.  I have challenged my introverted personality here.  I have become more willing to pick up the phone, haggle with vendors, speaking in a new language, and interacting with people I don't know.  I had no choice to do this if I wanted to survive, in my job and outside.  It was not easy, but it has been really good for me.  I hope to continue to improve, even in the US - where it is easy to become a hermit.

I miss comedy clubs, pubs, my dog, and friends who understand me.  I miss baseball.  I miss women being equal to men.  I miss the I miss the ability to be "invisible", when I don't feel like being stared at or spoken to.  Mumbai would have provided these things (substitute cricket for baseball), but it looks like the Mumbai job may not materialize.

I don't mind the struggles of life here (pollution, cheap things breaking, household chores done in basic ways, bucket showers, government bureaucracy - like my visa/FRRO and driver's license challenges).  My low salary is OK because things are cheap here, and I live a simple life (I do buy expensive designer clothes but I skip the expensive car in favor of bike/auto-rickshaw).  Sure, my salary is high compared to the average Indian.  I don't need to support my parents, children, or various out-of-work uncles/brothers like many Indians...  So I do understand that the struggles of my life are not so tough as compared to others here.  I do hope to have fewer struggles in my job (money for better software/equipment, coworkers coming to meetings on time, coworkers with better communication/presentation skills).

Since announcing my decision, everyone in the city (landlord, neighbors, friends, coworkers) have been asking me to come to their home for dinner before I go.  Of course I have been avoiding these invites.  Surely the food would be good, but you know I hate food being pushed on me like the Drill Sergeant in Full Metal Jacket.  Plus I hate to play the role of "slightly stupid newcomer to india".  Although I have finally memorized my standard answers to the following inevitable questions:
What food do eat at home?
Do you understand the rules of cricket?
What do you like/hate about India?
Do you watch Bollywood movies?

I am obliged to give a few "parties" as I have talked about before.

• Work party: People sitting in uncomfortable silent circle.  Then they take turns saying good things about you and areas for improvement, eat snacks, leave.
• Restaurant party:  One for work group, one for friend circle at work, one for each group of friends outside work.  More fun than work party.  More speeches.
• Treat party:  I give all coworkers sweets from a sweetshop as I say "goodbye, all the best".
• Bus party:  Stop work bus to get street food.  More speeches.
• Drink party:  Self-explanatory, and the most fun party.  No speeches, thank God.

On Tuesday I will take a train to Delhi and spend some time with friends before returning to US.  My bags are nearly all packed and I will not return to Ahmedabad.

I will blog a lot in the next few weeks, as I will be bored without work.  I promise to talk about other things than US/India comparison!

Haryana Marriage

My coworker Vijay got married, and invited me to attend.  Indian weddings are not like American weddings.  They span multiple days, involve numerous religous and ceremonial events.

I will let the pictures tell the story...

Preparing food for the events.

At the first event, all the guests wave money around the groom's head, then throw it in a towel for him.  This was repeated 5 or 6 times.  North Indians are not shy about flashing cash.

I think I was blessing him.  Nice Indian suit, no?

During some downtime, I took a tour of the beer factory where the groom's father works.  This is the analytical lab.  I did some quality control testing.  :)

I did not realize that a sari is simply one huge rectangle of fabric.

Yes, I look amazing in a sari!  First time, maybe last time.  3 girls were required to dress me correctly.

I spent the majority of my time during the 5 days on this bed, hanging out with the younger family members.  This is a small village in Haryana.  Girls aren't allowed to go out exploring on their own.  I told the kids that I would take them to the nearby "big city" of Rewari to see a movie.  I got yelled at for suggesting that...

So many rituals!  It was interesting to watch.  I tried to learn the significance of the various rituals, but even most of the Indians didn't know.  They just do it.

Putting curd in Vijay's hair was fun

Vijay's bhabi putting "eyeliner" on him.  Please notice the chest-protector made of money.  Nice.

We paraded several times with the bhangra drums.  Horses and dancing also.  Not dancing horses, but I have been told that sometimes there are dancing horses...

Vijay arriving at actual marriage in a chariot.

I was most amused by the guy pulling the generator behind the chariot so that it can be nice and bright.

After the marriage we went to the brides home to officially move her from her parents home to Vijay's parents home.  Here, all the ladies inspected the bride's gold jewelry gifts from the groom's family to make sure they were good enough.  This seemed rude, but it is normal.  The event was not over until 5 AM.

Poonam got very very sad leaving her family.  She wailed and cried like I have never seen, as we were leaving with her, especially saying goodbye to her father.  Everyone was crying, even the men, at the show of emotion.  This made me really appreciate the closeness of family in India.

 

Thanks to Vijay and his great family for my fun trip!

Bangalore?

I had a job offer in Bangalore.  27% pay raise, much more interesting job profile (actual R&D), and what most Indians and expats call "the best city in India".  I turned it down.  It was the hardest decision that I had to make in a long time.  At this stage, I don't want to take a job unless I can see myself in that city/job for 3+ years.

There are things I don't like about Bangalore:  it is not hot enough, it rains too much, it is like a giant suburb (like LA without Hollywood or a beach), they don't speak hindi...

There are things that I don't like about India in general:  women are too conservative, people are too much in my personal business, there aren't as many fun/interesting things to do - after exploring the historical/religious/tourist attractions.  Indians are obsessed with malls.  To me, the mall is the symbol of the American suburb.  And anyone who knows me knows that the suburb is the most hateful place on Earth.  Working in India can be frustrating, although there are as many interesting opportunities as there are frustrations, so the job front is a draw.

Ahmedabad was a great place to settle as a first-timer in India.  It is safe and people are helpful.  It is less westernized, which makes it more interesting for a westerner to explore.  Also people are more involved in festivals here, as compared with the rest of India, which in turn I love and enjoy (kite festival, navratri, many others).  But these things don't make for a good place to settle forever.  I think 2 years in Ahmedabad is enough.

I am looking for a job in Mumbai or Delhi.  Those are places with enough to offer for a lifetime of interest.  There it is still uniquely India, but also urban happening world-class cities.  If I don't find a job there in next 6-10 months, I will probably look for job in US.

Are we in Kentucky?

Today my friend's cousin will marry his cousin.  I am not quite comfortable with this.